All of this is 100% factual. No exaggerations were needed.

 

Sunday Night

Rob: Looks like I’m going to Arizona tomorrow morning.
Julie: Okay

Later Sunday Night

Rob: Never mind

Monday Morning

Rob: Looks like I’m going to Arizona tonight.
Julie: Okay

 

Later Monday Morning

Rob: Never mind.

 

Tuesday Morning

Rob: Looks like I’m going to Arizona tonight.
Julie: Okay

 

 

 

And off he went. But not before…

 

 

Nate vomited in the middle of the night.

Rob: What’s going on?
Julie: He puked.
Rob: Huh?
Julie: He puked. Can you grab a bowl while I take off all his sheets and remake his bed?
Rob: Huh?
Julie: A bowl.
Rob: A bowl?
Julie: A bowl!

 

Tuesday
(After Rob had left)

Mom: Come here, Cara, lay on my chest. You don’t seem to feel very well.
Cara: BARF!!

 

Wednesday

No explanation needed.

 

Thursday Morning

Clerk: Time to renew!
Julie: I renewed last month.
Clerk: Looks like you upgraded instead. That’s good!
Julie: I didn’t want to upgrade, I wanted to renew.
Clerk: Oh, well. You upgraded. Now you have to renew. $55 again please.

 

Thursday Afternoon

Julie: Can you tell me the sale price on these boy shoes?
Clerk: Looks like they’re not on sale.
Julie: Even though there are twenty-five bright red signs everywhere saying “All shoes on sale”?
Clerk: I guess not.

 

Kids: Rides!!
Mom: I have enough quarters for one ride.
Kids: Yay!
Cara: Whaaa!!!

 

Mom: I forgot the jeans that we need to exchange in the car. Grrr.

 

Julie: Where are the toddler girls jeans?
Clerk: I guess we don’t have any.
Julie: You don’t have ANY toddler jeans? I need to exchange these.
Clerk: Nope, I guess not. Maybe in a few weeks. Can you wait a few weeks?
Julie: No.
Clerk: Just exchange them for something else.
Julie: Fine.

20 min later…

Clerk: Can I get your email address for your membership? Oh, sorry. See this teeny sign? We discontinued our KidVantage Club. You can’t exchange any of those without a receipt.
Julie: I have never needed a receipt before because of my membership info. Can’t you look up my purchase? That’s why you have my email address.
Clerk: No. I can only see some purchases. You have to go home, sign in, print out your receipt, then come back. Would you still like to buy those anyway?
Julie: No.

 

Thursday Evening

Wheeler Farm. Barbed wire.
Nate: Whaa!!

 

Kids: I have to pee!

 

10 minutes after the previous pee…#2 was on its way.

 

 

Mom: Great. The only restrooms nearby are next to the gigantic playground.
Kids: Can we play?!
Mom: No.
Kids:Whaa!

 

 

On the way home.

Kids: La La Mickey Mouse! La La Goofy! La La Donald Duck!

 

Mom: Mom’s turn. Ooh, I like this song! La La La!
Kids: Whaa!
Mom: La La La!!!

 

 

Thursday Night

 

 

Later Thursday Night

Nate: Mom, when am I going to have a little brother to play with?
Mom: I don’t know. But you play so well with your boy cousins!
Nate: But I play so well with Cara, too. That means I’m ready for a little brother!
Mom: Dad and I don’t know if we’re ready for a baby.
Nate: But I am! Whaa!

 

 

Even Later Thursday Night

Julie: Yuck!! There’s that huge moth that has been flying around in here for three days! And it’s still alive! Let me find a box to scoop you up in and set you free finally. Shiver.

 

 

Latest Thursday Night

Julie: Finally. Alone with my Costco bin of donut holes.